nobody asked…

It is difficult to “eat right” in my job as a network support tech. Driving from one customer to another, spread out over three counties, there is usually little time to seek out a healthy eating spot where I could sit and enjoy a nice salad or whatever. Fast food joints are to be avoided - if the calories, carbs and sodium don’t get you, the loud din of 12 year-olds running and frolicking around the tables will. Where are their parents anyway! Time and budget don’t allow for moving upscale a notch or two.

So as often as not, I find myself skipping a mid-day meal and grabbing another bottle of water, cup of coffee, or my favorite diet drink to savor at 70 MPH. When I do stop, the chosen venue is quite often Waffle House. I know, I know…some folks call it the Awful Waffle. My experience has been consistency of quality from one to another, generally good food (but don’t even think about calories, carbs and sodium!), and fast efficient, if not always consistent, service. Besides, I love breakfast food - anytime - day or night.

There is one more attribute of WH that has appealed to me. It is one of the last bastions for smokers, a “safe haven” if you will - and I’m fully aware of what I just said, thank you very much. One can drop in, enjoy a coffee and a smoke, sometimes conversation or just scanning the morning paper. Go to one frequently and the staff will recognize you and welcome you out loud as you enter, already knowing what you will order. In a weird way it is somewhat like “Cheers” without Sam and Woody behind the bar.

And, yes, I still smoke…but barely. Have quit down to about 4 a day and preparing to go cold-turkey from there. Please pat me on the back for what I am now doing rather than chastise me because I didn’t do it sooner!

So yesterday I stop in at a Waffle House I frequent. Just wanted a BLT, iced tea, and then a smoke. Whoever had cleaned the table had failed to put back the ashtray, so I asked for one. “It’s all non-smoking now.” In disbelief I queried “Since when?” “Saturday” came the reply. I looked at her for what seemed like an hour, mouth agape, wondering what dark comedy I had been dropped into. I finally managed some gutteral combination of “Why?” and “That sucks!” Admitting she was also a smoker, she heartily agreed, adding that it was experimental. As I left a little while later, still craving my midday cigarette, I muttered that the experiment was a failure. Disgruntled customer. End of case.

No smoking at Waffle House! It’s a VERY cold day in hell! And I’m sure that was a flock of pigs that just flew over…