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The Center for Artificial Indifference

Redneck Engineers Challenge…

June 16th, 2006 | Category: Laugh Out Loud

Here are a couple of hillarious test goodies lifted from the REDNECK ENGINEER CHALLLENGE I got by email from JackieSue, the old Yellowdog Granny, herownself.

A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be killed before the trees are cut down?

A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

For some reason those reminded me of a redneck riddle that always brings a chuckle. Some comedian offered this one — could have been Jeff Foxworthy, or maybe not…

Q: In Alabama, what does divorce have in common with a tornado?

A: Both mean somebody’s gonna lose a double-wide.

NOTE to BIG CITY DWELLERS: If you just muttered to yourownself “What the hell is a double-wide?“, please contact me by comment or email for emergency infusion of redneck edification.

On that note I should hang it up. Getting on a redneck roll can go on all day, especially if I dig out my Foxworthy reference library… And I’ve got things to do…

5 Comments so far

  1. John B. June 16th, 2006 7:05 am

    Winston,
    A man of your discriminating tastes probably already knows about Redneck Haiku; just in case you don’t, though, here

    http://redneckhaiku.com/index.html

    is a link to the book by Mary K. Witte, and here

    http://joek.com/jokes/joke_86.shtml

    are some other samples from this masterpiece of lit’rter.

  2. Rain June 16th, 2006 9:01 am

    Those were funny, but for just a minute there my eyes started to glaze over thinking it was a real engineering challenge…

  3. tamarika June 17th, 2006 6:56 am

    Winston,
    “What the hell is a double-wide?”

  4. jackiesue June 21st, 2006 7:03 pm

    i sent that to all my red neck friends..skipped the yankee ones, knowing they would never get it…jackie

  5. Winston June 24th, 2006 5:20 pm

    Tamar,

    Glad you asked… I knew some damnyankee would… Of course, you’re not really a damnyankee, but a world class citizen of the planet!

    There are mobile homes, which I’m sure you must be familiar with. A step up from that is a double-wide, which is like two prefab pieces that are hauled to a site and joined together along there length. Most of those are about 10 or 12 feet wide, and when they are attached together, they come out to 20 to 24 feet wide, or “double-wide”. Some of them are actually quite nice, and the owners may build a concrete block foundation around or under them, add decks and porches. Not the most secure place to be in a tornado, however…

    I hope that clarifies it a bit, or as we say down South, “makes it clear as mud.”