nobody asked…

Dateline: Franklin, Tennessee, March 14, 2013

Today in a remote area of southeastern Williamson County, a ceremonial cutting of the last tree in the county was attended by a large supportive contingent of political, business, and religious leaders. As the Chairman of the County Commissioners wielded the axe to make the first blow, the small group of protestors could barely be heard from their position a few hundred yards away. The pesky protestors, estimated at about 30, were the vestigal remains of the Sierra Club, Green Peace, and several local advocacy groups that had fought valiantly over the years to protect the green spaces and environment of Williamson County to no avail. To paint a face of unity and decorum for the media, the protestors had been held at bay far from the ceremonial site by a uniformed and armed group identified by the crosses on the armbands of their all white uniforms as the “God Squad“, members of the Citizens Committee for Christ militia that had policed and ruled the county for the last several years, terrorizing and driving out non-Christians.

This lone remaining tree symbolized all those who had stood in the way of progress. Ridding the landscape of it clears the way for the last major planned development in Williamson. It will be the last because there is no more space.

The new development will include over 3,100 single and multi family housing units starting at UNAS$1.25 million, and will feature its own utility systems infrastructure, fire and militia squadrons, K-12 Christian school system, and one of the largest shopping and entertainment spirals in the South. Everything will be within a short stroll of everything else, or as the marketing literature claims, “Easy Stroll on Easy Street”. Excavation for the 117th Walgreens in the county has already begun and can be seen about 1/4 mile to the west of the ceremonial site, and adjacent to the site of Williamson’s 325th StarBucks. The Mayors of Franklin, Brentwood, Fairview, Spring Hill, and Nolensville were joined on the podium by the Village Meisters of West Haven, Umberland Estates, and Prince Georges. Each in turn offered congratulations and welcomes to this new development, Charlemagne. Global Development Corporation (GDC) is expected to appoint a Village Meister for Charlemagne within two weeks.

As late as the mid-1980s, Williamson County, which lies across the Southern border of Nashville/Davidson County Metroplex, consisted of rolling farm land and forested hills, with a couple of small lazy Southern towns breaking the green monotony. Completion of Cool Springs Galleria on a remote rural cow pasture (”the nowhere mall” as it was called back then) in the early ’90s heralded the beginning of an economic and population boom unequaled in the Unified North American States (UNAS) and its predecessors: Canada,  Mexico, and the USA. Since 2008, Williamson has been recognized as the wealthiest county/parish in the UNAS. Unemployment for the past 5 years has been non-existent at 0.1%. The average level of education for voting age adults hovers around 17.5 years as more and more major corporations have relocated their global headquarters and research facilities and staffs to Williamson.

The Mayors and Village Meisters in attendance today were of one voice on the taking of the last tree. They spoke in glowing economic terms of the significance of eradicating the green wasteland. Likewise, they praised God and the GDC for its diligence in helping to make this happen.

There was also a rumor circulating through the crowd that a breakthrough had been made in negotiations for Williamson to acquire and annex all contiguous counties other than Nashville/Davidson Metroplex. It is generally believed that this would be a good invesment utilization of the several UNAS$ billions in present cash reserves, and would provide ample green space to be converted and developed for the next 25 to 30 years. Efforts to buy Nashville/Davidson Metroplex were thwarted last year when Williamson Country’s bid was topped by DCM, the mega-glomerate of Dell, Chevron, and Mitsubishi. In addition to the N/D Metroplex, DCM, or just “Dell” as most locals still call it, owns three other counties in the UNAS plus the country of Yemen.

The last tree has fallen. The protestors have been silenced and have disbanded. The exuberant crowd has dispersed, leaving gratified and hopeful. It has been an excellent day for Williamson County! Praise The Lord!

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If the future portrayed in this tongue-in-cheek commentary seems to be patently absurd, you have not been paying attention. We are almost there. I am not against progress, development, and growth. I do object loudly to uncontrolled devastation of almost all green space. I object to the multiple, massive planned developments with thousands of residents, but with no plan for how to move them to and fro, leaving our arteries choked, stretching our rush hour into an all-day ordeal. I object to the de facto merger of church and state that our conservative national and local office holders seem hell-bent to make happen.

Yes, the future is almost here. We still have time to change it… Maybe…