nobody asked…

My UK friend Andy Borrows, of Older But No Wiser fame, recently tagged me with a dreaded meme torture test. But this one was a bit different in that it required more than stupid answers to simple-minded questions. It actually required some level of thinking, introspection, and reflection. Being accomplished at none of those, I decided to tackle it anyway, with full apologies to Andy if my verbal sputum creates undue and undeserved embarrassment and/or hardship for him and/or his loved ones and heirs.

The question before the court is, as the title of this blog suggests, what five things do you (the readers) probably not know about me (the writer)? These five bubbled to the top of my short list from the original list of 437 items, most of which you do not, believe me when I say it, do not want to know.

1. Let’s call this one 4-3-2-1, which is really 4 related tidbits rolled together into one gigantic tidbyte. Married 4 times. Divorced 3 times. 2 hatchlings. And 1 great love of my life.

2. In spite of having a couple of college degrees, a professional and managerial career, and a general aura of having brushed against a certain level of sophistication and savoir faire, the thing I am probably best at and happiest doing is being a general handyman. My motto is If it’s broke, I can fix it. If it ain’t broke, I can fix that too. Got damn near every tool Craftsman ever made, and know how to use all of them. I don’t work on cars since 1980, kids toys, or modern televisions. Everything else is fair game.

3. Being a Suthunuh, you might think my favorite type of food is fried catfish, meat and three, or cornbread and black-eyed peas. And I do like all of those. But my absolute favorite is Italian. Good Italian — not some of the cheap knockoffs found at popular chains. As the years go by, Northern Italian sits better with me than the rich tomato based sauces of the South of Italy. Gimme a Veal Saltimbocca or Shrimp Picatta, maybe with a Hearts of Palm Salad drizzled with olio di oliva and dusted with fresh ground Tuscan spices and herbs… My mouth is watering as I write this, and it is only 8:05 in the freaking morning! This culinary passion came about while I was being held captive in Pittsburgh (nobody lives there voluntarily) for 20 years. The ‘burgh has a large Italian population, many of which are second and even first genenation Americans. They all own and operate restaurants. And half of them are named Tambellini. They know how to cook, for sure…

4. I’m told I don’t look it. Mentally, emotionally, and intellectually (if I might be permitted loose interpretation and use of that word), I’m probably closer to 45. Some people are quick to tell me I don’t act it. And most days I do not feel it. But earlier this month I observed my 64th trip around the sun.

5. In my next life, if I cannot be a male prostitute, I want to be an archeologist, anthropologist, or paleontologist. Or something related to those. Want to dig dem bones. Want to know more about from whence we cameth in order to understand more about who and what we areth and where the hell we’re likely to be goingeth. I believe that the religious based fictional accounts developed and interpreted and re-written and re-interpreted over thousands of years are all basically bunk. Something stirs me from deep down, at the genetic memory level, saying that current scientific theories and understandings are missing a key component of the full, actual truth. I would like to explore that and have the opportunity to make a meaningful contribution to that body of knowledge and understanding. Like all others that have walked upright, I seek the meaning of life. Actually, I would be happy with a simple one word answer to the binary question: Does life have a meaning?

Thanks to Andy for giving me the opportunity to see myself for what I really am and for helping me decide on my next career. In keeping with my tradition from past meme responses, I will not pass the baton on to those of you cringing in your seats as you read this, but rather invite one and all to respond as if tagged, if you so choose.