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The Center for Artificial Indifference

Toe Jam Pick?

According to the local weather czars this promised to be a nice, sunny, temperate day. They are almost always wrong, but a glance outside at 7 AM was met by blue skies and sunshine. The Indoor/Outdoor thermometer reported it was already in the 50s. So I decided to wear one of my most comfortable pair of shoes. Comfortable means old and slick soled. How slick are they, you ask? So slick that if there is any threat of the briefest mist, I do not wear them since I have already slipped and gone down more than once, introducing my arse to the pavement in a most undignified way. But this seemed like a good day to take a chance.

Forty-five minutes later, walking out to the car, I paused to greet the sunny day. Turning to get into the car, my right big toe started screaming in pain. It was different from the numb pain in the foot caused by sciatica, which I have experienced a time or two. Did I make a wrong move and twist it enough to break the toe bone? Daddy had gout — was this the onset of that strange crippling ailment? Maybe the shoe soles were worn so thin that some tiny stone from the aggregate driveway had insulted the toe that stepped on it. Whatever, I limped back into the house to check it out and change shoes.

Roomie launched into her usual over-reaction and announced with a great deal of authority that it was my lower spine, the sciatica again. She was ready to call the chiropractor for an emergency appointment. I took the shoe off and shook it out, expecting a large boulder to fall to the floor. Not to be. What did fall out was a toothpick — a common round wooden toothpick, intact, sharpened both ends… WTF!

The walk-in closet has two tiers of those white coated wire shelves that also serve to hold hanging clothes. Under one section I have a three-tier shoe rack for my three pairs of shoes. How in hell a toothpick wound up in a shoe is an unsolved mystery. Need to call in CSI to check it out. The shoes felt good and the toe felt fine all day after removal of the pick.

If you’re into masochistic weirdness, I highly recommend toothpicks in the shoes. Otherwise, consider keeping the toothpicks in a small container near the kitchen sink, use them as needed for removing roast beef remnants from between your teeth, and dispose of properly in a government approved trash receptacle.

8 Comments so far

  1. Em February 22nd, 2007 7:18 pm

    When stuff like that happens…things end up where it seems impossible for them to be…it makes me crazy trying to come up with a story that explains it all in a very logical way. But a toothpick in the closet….I don’t have that story yet.

  2. Joy February 22nd, 2007 11:46 pm

    This is definitely a conundrum Winston. Since your shoes were in your closet; could the toothpick have fallen out of a suit or pants pocket hanging over them? Let us know if you figure it out Sherlock.

  3. Winston February 23rd, 2007 8:07 am

    Testing comment preview…

  4. Rain February 23rd, 2007 11:21 am

    If you had cats, I’d blame them, but if you don’t, fairies are the next most likely culprits :)

  5. Liz February 25th, 2007 12:49 pm

    Fairies seem likely to me too. Or more likely mischievious little elves. The same ones who hide your glasses.

  6. Fiona February 26th, 2007 8:24 am

    Things like that happen to me frequently enough for me to be resigned. Or appreciative. Good things and bad things.

    I’ve been known to curse or thank an empty room.
    *wry grin*

  7. Lynda Winston February 26th, 2007 5:27 pm

    Really I do believe that there are some invisible beings that follow us around call them what you will..fairies gremlins , I’m on to them…. definetly one of their tricks… toothpicks in shoes, they also make you spill coffee grains all over the newly cleaned work tops your a bit proud of, make you bang your head on sticky out door edges, you can hear them laughing, but I’m on to them and they know it…..

  8. Sam February 26th, 2007 5:35 pm

    Turnups mate, toothpick fell off table into your turnup, left foot tipped turnup down whilst flicking off shoe, toothpick flicked out and landed in your shoe, turnups are responsible for a lot of troubles in this world you’ll never see me in a pair of turnups.