Where Am I?
One of your earliest One Liners postings featured this quote by Laurence J. Peter… “If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else”. In your childhood dreams, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you know where you were going…or did you end up somewhere else?
Em did not slide any easy ones past me with his five question interview. You know, something simple and quick like What is your favorite NFL team? or What is your favorite flavor of chocolate? No, no breaks for Winston. Just all these deep, searching inquisitions that force me to mine my core for answers. But I will admit it has been as much fun as it has been revealing. Getting to the question at hand…
I think we all end up somewhere else. Life these days is far too complicated for most of us to be able to predict with any accuracy where we are going or where we will end up. External influences abound. Change is constant. Life is uncertain. Life is short.
At 5 I wanted to be a cowboy. Didn’t we all?
At 10 I wanted to be a professional speller. Not much demand.
At 12 I wanted to be jet test pilot. Didn’t we all want to fly?
At 17 I wanted to be an electrical engineer. I became one.
At 27 I wanted an MBA and to climb the corporate ladder. Did those.
At 45 I thought I would put in my 30 years or so and retire from the company with a big pension, lots of money in the bank, and the proverbial gold watch. At 45.5 I was out of the company, a sweet golden parachute deal in hand, and heading back to Tennessee where I was originally hatched.
At 47 I had designed and built my dream house where I would spend the rest of my years.
At 49 I was divorced. She got the house and most of what I had. At 49 I just wanted peace and quiet.
At 51 I got married again. I still wanted peace and quiet.
Now, at 64, I want to be a cowboy. Sorry, a temporal regression to childhood…
Like so many Americans who have achieved a modest level of success and a comfortable lifestyle, I am stuck with it. Be careful what you wish for, you might get it! To maintain a lifestyle of contentment, and it does not take much for me, I cannot aff
ord to quit or retire or make a major life shift just now. In many ways I have it good, and in most ways I have no complaints or regrets.
I had envisioned a life in retirement by now, one that might include some travel, some wood shop work, lots of time for reading and writing, tending my stamp collection, tennis, photography, and several other activities that have been enjoyable pastimes or hobbies over the years.
Instead, I find myself having to continue to work to make the money to pay the bills for a comfortable life that I have no time to enjoy because I find myself having to continue to work to… Like the hamster in the circular spinning cage, running faster and faster just to stand still. Now if my bad knee will just hold together until I get to where I’m going… wherever that might be…
12 Comments so far
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Interesting. I have been very surprised how I ended up at almost 64 and not really knowing what I want or where I want to be. This was NOT how it was supposed to be
Wow, you had lots of goals and actually realized quite a few of them. That’s terrific! But I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a professional speller…but it would be a cool job to have!
Why no easy question about the NFL? You live in Tennessee, so I just assumed it was the Titans. But perhaps I was wrong??
Rain: No, this was NOT how it was supposed to be.
Em: Yep, Titans. And the chocolate flavor I like most: ALL
It’s thanks in large measure to this post that I went out and bought a Moleskine journal to write down stuff for my daughters. I’ll get back to you in a few years to let you know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
[...] of nobody asked… has written a gem today. Like so many Americans who have achieved a modest level of success and a comfortable lifestyle, I [...]
Winston, this has to be the best post I’ve read by anybody in a long time.
Seriously, I am completely blown away.
Fantastic.
This is the reason I want to press ahead and start college at 38 years old. As much as I would and could enjoy my rich, musician husband’s income (HA! That’s one of those oxymorons, isn’t it?) reality bit on that long, long ago. I figure I will probably have to work til I’m in my 70’s and I really don’t want to spend those 30-40 years, sitting at a desk, assisting somebody do their really cool job. I want some options in my life.
Thanks for this.
My goal was to get to the end of life with as few regrets as possible. Not regrets about circumstances, like “I regret I wasn’t born to royalty”, but choices like “I regret I didn’t pursue a career instead of getting married”. The choices we make with the information we have under the given circumstances should be the best we can do at the time…allowing for a few dumb picks that don’t land us in the state pen.
Winston - this is absolutely stellar and amazingly written. Thanks so much for sharing.
[...] post which is so well written that I can’t stand [...]
Husband mentioned the other day that if he had one regret it was that he hadn’t had a job that involved working outdoors. ‘But of course I wouldn’t have earned so much.’
He has provided wonderfully for me and the children, but I am sad that there is that lingering regret. When Elder Son was home last weekend, and he was talking about liking the idea of being a tree surgeon (something his father would have loved to be), I encouraged him to think very seriously about it, to remember that his job will take up an awful lot of his life, and that a good salary is less important than a happy life. (But I can say that from the position of being a well-kept woman!)
I hope your future is all that you want it to be.