nobody asked…

Just found this while digging through terabytes of archives looking for something else. Source is unknown or I would certainly give credit. It must have hit me as funny back when I first ran across it, and it still tickles a rib or two. Enjoy!

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

. Sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
. Page youself over the intercom (don’t disguise your voice).
. Insist that your e-mail address is Xena.Goddessof.Fire @company.com or Elvis.the.King@company.com.
. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
. Put your trash can on you desk and label it “In”.
. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
. Reply to everything anyone says with “That’s what you think.”
. Don’t use any punctuation or capitalization.
. As often as possible, skip down the halls rather than walk.
. Ask people what sex they are.
. Take everyone out for a fast-food lunch and specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
. Regularly send email to all staff to tell people what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”
. Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head.”
. Announce to your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we’re going to have to let one of you go.”