nobody asked…

If two negatives make a positive, how many positives does it take to make a negative? Or how many conditional statements make one definitive declaration?

A Tennessean story by Staff Writer and NFL/Titans beat writer Jim Wyatt about the on-again / off-again, almost there / widely separated negotiations for future services of suspended Titans bad boy Adam “Pacman” Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, was quoted as saying something to the effect of…

I can say with a high degree of certainty that this thing probably may or may not come about.

How do you spell doublespeak? How about posturing?

Jerry Jones’ actual words and the full article can be found here.

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Doing what I do, supporting customer networks, requires a lot of butt-time in my trusty Subaru Outback traveling around the Greater Nashville Metro area, sniffing out problems to fix. Occasionally I see something of vital interest that is granted documentation in these pages, but most of the drive time is routine and humdrum. To puncture the tedium, I listen to a lot of sports talk radio, which is as good in this town as anywhere in the country. There are three stations that I surf through, but most of my time is spent on my favorite, 104.5 The Zone. Their on-air personalities are the best — well informed, covering a wide range of sporting activities and events, articulate and personable — and they have the strongest signal of any, always available wherever my adventures take me.

What’s that, you say? You think the words sports and articulate do not belong in the same paragraph? Well, keen observers, you may be right in general, but not with the specificity wherein I dwell. To be sure, there are some jocks that have pursued post-playing careers in broadcasting, who demonstrate with every parting of their lips and movement of their tongues that the selection committee for Rhodes Scholars has not erred in omitting them from those prestigious awards. Some of the language is so colorful that I note it for relaying on to you, both of my readers. Here for your reading pleasure is a small sampling of what I have heard recently. Enjoy…

• A team or player that is not intimidatable…

• A team or player that out-athleticed another…

• A player has great quickness of speed…

• Both players can talk trash like Charles Barkley, but so-and-so can out-Barkley the other…

• The ubiquitous ath-uh-lete … used by many, perfected by Coach Doug Matthews on 104.5 The Zone…

• This one is used repeatedly (substitute football, baseball, or any other sport for basketball): A player has good Basketball IQ…

• Every player and coach and analyst declares that the way their team can win the game is to execute…

• … the dramaticness of the crash … (4/5/08 — Doug Matthews, talking about a NASCAR crash. I am not putting him down. Doug has forgotten more football than most people ever know. I love the guy, but he does use some language at times that makes me think and go … hmmm …)

• And from the master analogist of the sports world, one of the most articulate, intelligent, and highly respected sportscasters anywhere, Mark Howard of 104.5 The Zone, right here in Nashville, comes this nugget from a recent discussion of how the Nashville Predators had overcome so many non-game and off-season obstacles to make the NHL playoffs: People don’t want to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby.

In all sincerity, I believe 104.5 The Zone and The Director, George Plaster, are to be commended for assembling a stellar cast of personalities that inform and entertain Nashville area sports fans every day. In addition to George and the aforementioned Mark and Doug, the list of inmates and regular guests includes Frank Wycheck (yes, that Frank Wycheck, former Titan of Music City Miracle fame), Kevin Ingram (impersonator par excellence), Willie Daunic, John McClain (of the Houston Chronicle), Darren McFarland, Coach Eddie Fogler (during basketball season), and others. Collectively, they are the best. And as George Plaster says, you can Book It!

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We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible. — Vince Lombardi

This somehow seems appropriate this morning. Belief in one’s self underlies all accomplishments. Those who think they cannot fail, likely will. Those who believe they can win, often do.

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It has been said there is always a Tennessee connection, always a Nashville connection. I’ve seen enough over the years that I’ve become a believer, as ridiculous as it sounds. Today’s Super Bowl XLII between the NFL’s New England Patriots and New York Giants will play out in the Phoenix, AZ, area. The winner of the game will have bragging rights for a year until the 43rd Superbowl is played. These teams and this contest for world dominance are far from Nashville. Or are they?

BILL BELICHICK — The bellicose coach of the Patriots, widely despised outside the Boston area and Pats fan base, was born in Nashville where his father was an assistant coach at Vanderbilt University. We are not bragging. We are not proud of this. Just reporting the facts, maam…

DONTE STALLWORTH, KELLEY WASHINGTON, and RASHAD MOORE — Patriot players that played their college ball at The University of Tennessee. We are proud of that! Go Vols!

GIBRIL WILSON — Giants safety played for The University of Tennessee. We are still proud! Go Vols!

ELI MANNING — Quarterback and field general for the Giants, is of course, the younger brother of Peyton Manning, QB of the Indianapolis Colts, who won the Super Bowl last year. And Peyton was the star QB at The University of Tennessee. Go Vols! I’m getting hoarse…

TOM BRADY — The Patriots quarterback admits he has heard of Tennessee, and denies he popped a young thing or three in Nashville his last trip here to play the Tennessee Titans.

STEPHEN GOSTKOWSKI — Patriots kicker played football and baseball at the U. of Memphis.

DAVID MERRITT — Giants secondary coach was an assistant at UT Chattanooga in 1997.

JERRY REESE — Originally from Tiptonville, TN, he is now Giants GM. He played ball at UT Martin (where I started college) and was later an assistant coach from 1988 - 1993.

ARCHIE MANNING — Father of Giants QB Eli, was one of Roomie’s classmates in Drew, MS, from 4th through 8th grade. She kinda liked the cute little red-headed boy, but he always said that he didn’t like no girls. Seems this connection should count since Roomie has been a resident of Tennessee for about 20 years, and Archie’s son Peyton, the smartest of the three boys, chose to be a Tennessee Vol rather than an Ole Miss Rebel.

There are undoubtedly others, but that should be enough to demonstrate that the six degrees of separation, or SUPERation, theory is alive and well on this Super Bowl Sunday. Y’all enjoy the game and the chili…

[Bump of the helmet to Jim Wyatt for his sidebar about Tennessee Connections in The Tennessean, Friday, February 1, 2008.]

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You would think I might have learned by now. You would think I know better. I have and I do. It never fails that if I publicly brag about the record or feats or ranking of one of the sports teams I root for, they screw up and make a fool of me. They do this on purpose, just to make me look bad. At one time I was naive enough to believe this was random coincidence, but I now know they do it just to hurt me.

So, I should never have bragged about my Tennessee Volunteers high poll position in the NCAA rankings. Last night, they did it to me again. They lost to a Kentucky team that has been in complete disarray all year. Oh, well, at least we were in the top 5 for a couple of days…

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New NCAA Mens Basketball rankings out today…

See that Big Orange Power T over there on the right. That’s my University of Tennessee Volunteers. The MEN, not the Lady Vols who we perennially expect to be there. As a matter of fact, the UT women continue to maintain the No. 2 spot in this week’s poll. But for the men to be up there in the thin air is astounding. The AP Poll even puts them at No.3! Many of you will readily recognize positions 2 through 4 as the Kansas Jayhawks, Duke Blue Devils, and North Carolina Tarheels. No one has ever actually spotted a jayhawk or tarheel, whatever the hell they are. Or a blue devil, for that matter.

Now, boys and girls, turn your attention to the extreme left end, to the school occupying the No. 1 position for the first time this year, or maybe since the earth cooled. That’s Memphis … the University of Memphis … or as we olde tymers around these parts are still fond of saying, Memphis State.

Tennessee owes its rise from the dregs of the SEC to 3rd year coach Bruce Pearl, while Memphis is guided by John Calipari. These two highly emotional and expressive basketball coaches … well, to say they don’t like each other would be like saying that there are people Hillary would rather invite for dinner than W. These guys reportedly despise each other, and that relationship has been growing for several years. Lucky they are 400 miles apart at opposite ends of the state.

Now mark your calendar for February 23 and listen for rumbling deep within the earth’s crust as the tectonic plates of Pearl in the east and Calipari in the west collide in Memphis. Something’s gotta give…

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So… this morning, following the AFC and NFC Championship Games yesterday, I go to SportsIllustrated.com to see who is saying what about the games. Just below the lead story, this caught my eye:

FREE TOM BRADY JERSEY

Immediately I was taken back to 1970 when young black and sympathetic white Americans were marching in the streets, carrying signs and wearing T-shirts with the message:

FREE ANGELA DAVIS

For those too young to remember, Ms. Davis, now a college professor in the U. of California system, was apprehended and jailed on charges linking her to the murder of Judge Harold Haley during an attempted Black Panther prison break. She was tried and acquitted, but has never relinquished her role as seeker of racial and gender justice and equality. That Angela Davis…

Back to Brady… I know that non-Patriot fans don’t like him. I know he made a couple of mistakes in the game. I know that there are probably plenty of jilted ladies who would love to see him behind bars. But, my god, he has just won 18 games in a row and is on his way to the Super Bowl to try for a perfect season. I can’t stand his type due to the cocky arrogance that seems to be his natural better-than-thou demeanor. But come on people, what has he done to deserve being locked up in the pokey?

 

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As noted in these mumblings previously, I spend a lot of time sitting in my trusty Subaru Outback PMV (Poor Man’s SUV) crawling through traffic in and around Music City, on my way to and from being intimate with customers’ networks and computer systems. That time is not all wasted since I expand my miscule knowledge of sports by listening to local and national sports radio broadcasts. The absolute best is 104.5 The Zone, including the morning Wake-up Zone and the afternoon Sports Zone. Sandwiched between those I switch to the nationally broadcast Colin Cowherd Show and Mike Tirico Show on the local ESPN Radio affiliate, 106.7 The Fan. I switch to those because I cannot stomach the arrogant, headache inducing Jim Rome Show that is carried by 104.5 in the mid-day time slot.

Now anyone who has ever listened to sport talk radio knows there is a lot of bull that gets floated out. It seems like every crazy with an internet connection or within signal range will call in and bitch and moan about anything and everything, sports related or not. The really good hosts know how to defuse and manage the flamers. And no host is better at it than Mark Howard on the Wake-up Zone. Locals also know Mark as the still-much-missed sports guy from his Channel 5 days. Whether being original or passing along wisdom harvested elsewhere, Mark does it with professional aplomb and dignity, made interesting by his flair and wit.

This morning, while discussing a certain NFL wide receiver, Mark dropped this jewel:

He couldn’t catch a cold if he was naked at the North Pole.

On another occasion, talking about an NBA player who was basket challenged, Mark revealed:

He couldn’t hit the water if he was sitting in a boat in the middle of the lake.

I’m not sure whether it was Mark or another broadcaster who described a certain pro golfer’s tee shot as:

Looking like he’s trying to kill a snake in a phone booth.

Love those guys and their sense of humor! They almost keep me awake while driving…

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Now that I have your attention, gentlemen and ladies , may I direct your attention to an introduction you dare not miss. Yes, gridiron nuts, lovers of female beauty, and perverts of all denominations, I’m talking about the disrobing of the Titans Cheerleaders 2007 - 2008 Calendar. Here are a few dozen shots from the unveiling party for your esthetic drooling pleasure.

Bump of the helmet to Dan…

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… ‘nuf said …

10/7/07 ADDENDUM…

Tennessee Titans 20 … Atlanta Falcons 13

Ugly, but a win is a win…

The humbling and domination of Georgia is complete…

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Most of us get discouraged with our jobs occasionally, no matter how much we may love them on a normal basis. When the job blues hit me, I usually look around and quickly identify folks who have it worse than do I. You know, road paving crews in the middle of July, roofers in the middle of August when temperatures on the dark tar paper and shingles may hit 140, proctologists, etc. This past week I had such a day and got to thinking while listening to news and discussions on sport talk radio as I drove from one salt mine to the next gravel pit. Here’s my new list of the five worst jobs in America, based on current events:  Read more

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[This is a re-publishing of my post of July 14, 2005. The message and the appeal of Jimmy Valvano were so powerful and moving that it bears repeating occasionally.]

This week ESPN Radio held their annual fund raiser for The V Foundation, the cancer research organization named in memory of Jimmy V (Valvano for readers who are not sports fans), the dynamic NC State basketball coach who died of cancer in 1993. Jimmy V set the gold standard for tenacity, passion and vision in the way he lived his life and in the way he died.

Yesterday I heard excerpts from some of his memorable speeches made in the final weeks and months before he died. While best known for his repetitive exhortation to “Never give up”, this remarkable man also regularly challenged his audience, be it a crowded banquet hall or his team in the locker-room before a game, to do three things each day: Laugh, Think, and Cry. Good advice then, much needed advice today. Thank You and Rest in Peace, Jimmy V! You will not be soon forgotten!

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For sports fans, unless they’re one of the 87 people left in the country who like baseball, which I am not, or one of the 10 billion who thrive on following NASCAR, wherein a bunch of grown men turn left at 200 MPH all day long, which I am not, this time of year is a complete void — a huge vacuum that sucks. This was driven home to me yesterday, July 4th, as I was out and about in my trusty Subaru Outback, which turns both left and right, at from 5 MPH up to speeds approaching 35 or 40 MPH.

My favorite local sports talk radio station, 104.5 The Zone, was replaying the best Titans’ NFL Football games from the years since they moved to Tennessee. I got into it big time, anticipating whether Manning would be intercepted again or Vince Young would scamper for another first down. Would Wychek thrown another lateral?

Yes, the sports child in me is bored stiff. I’m ready for some football! Some live football…

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. — Henny Youngman

This is also good advice for Adam “Pacman” Jones, the former Titan who just cannot seem to stay out of fights in stripclubs as sunrise approaches. He won’t listen, of course. That’s why he is a former Titan. Most Titans fans no longer care. Let him rot in a back alley or in jail. Just don’t let him come back to Nashville. What a tragic rags to riches to rags story…

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