nobody asked…

An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. – John H. Patterson

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1. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
2. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
3. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you haven’t tried before.
4. There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious.
5. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
6. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
7. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
8. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
9. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
10. Junk is stuff you keep for years and throw away the week before you need it.
11. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
12. Blessed are they who laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

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I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it. — Thomas Jefferson

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The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. — Douglas Adams

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. — John Benfield

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The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. – Arthur C. Clarke

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I have frequently heard that Ben Franklin said something along the lines of moderation in all things. Those words actually came from Aristotle, whose principles likely influenced Franklin as he composed his 13 Virtues. The ninth virtue read:

MODERATION: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Related to his position on moderation was his first virtue:

TEMPERANCE: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.

From the well documented life of Franklin, we know that he possessed a abundant proclivity for good food, strong drink, and the companionship of women. Yet, in Poor Richard’s Almanack he advised:

Be temperate in wine, in eating, girls, and cloth, or the Gout will seize you and plague you both.

We also know that he suffered gout for much of his life. So, as savvy as old Ben was, and as much he represents so much of what was good in our early days as a country, he had his flaws. He frequently seemed to be saying, do as I say and not as I do. Or perhaps he was attuned to the words of W. Somerset Maugham that would come a couple of centuries later:

Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.

Now that is a rule I can live with!

After the above was written and ready for publishing, I found this applicable and appropriate thought from Thomas Paine, old Common Sense, himself, over at Papa’s place:

A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be. Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice.

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Most advertising is wasted on me. If I remain in my seat while the next 10 minutes is filled with inane crapola, 20 ads for 20 products or services that I either already know about, don’t use, or don’t want, I have my brain trained to wander off and process other things during commercial breaks. As often as not, I’m up and away for those few minutes, getting something to drink or nibble on, or making proper disposal of the consumables from previous breaks.

There are exceptions — commercials that are so well done or so clever that they command attention. Budweiser’s Clydesdale commercials, Hallmark’s warm and fuzzy spots, some — but not all — of the ads unleashed during the Super Bowl each year, any commercial involving the herding of cats. Those are a few that come to mind. But please spare me from suffering one more locally produced spot featuring the head dude or dudess droning on about their finest used cars, unmatched insurance offerings, spectacular pools and spas, or the best damn muffler shop in the state. Who gives a rat’s ass?

However, even I, the crusty old veteran of commercial avoidance maneuvers, recognize a good hook line when I hear it. I’m talking about the few brief, simple words spoken by an appealing and trustworthy voice. These slogans or hook lines, or simply hooks, when well done, have exactly the intended effect — they quickly become such natural parts of the lexicon that we take them for granted as nuggets of truth we have always known. These lines frequently speak to us as individuals, complementing the strengths and interests we have or offering to bolster our weaknesses without calling them weaknesses.

Some of the most effective ones at present are:

• You can do it. We can help. — Home Depot
• Are you in good hands? — Allstate (the guy with the rich creamy voice)
• Can you hear me now? — Verizon (see previous post)
• Don’t just buy stuff. Do stuff. — Radio Shack

There are others, both past and present. Do you have a favorite hook line?

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We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible. — Vince Lombardi

This somehow seems appropriate this morning. Belief in one’s self underlies all accomplishments. Those who think they cannot fail, likely will. Those who believe they can win, often do.

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If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts. — Albert Einstein

Most of us would probably agree that old Al was a fairly bright dude. And I think we know what he meant by this little jewel, especially in his fields of scientific and mathematical pursuits. After all, in addition to being one of the brightest bulbs in the chandelier, he was also known to have a very wry sense of humor. I seriously doubt he had in mind, or would approve of, the rewriting and spinning of facts and history as they unfold, a la Big Brother style.

Big corporations do it, as in Microsoft calling software bugs, features. Big government does it by telling us that the disaster in Iraq is going well and making progress. Politicians do it by saying whatever their people think the audience wants to hear, all sounding alike, and all telling convenient lies. And big media does it by spinning almost everything to their own purposes of advertising dollars, profits and their almighty god, share.

We as a people, as a culture, have such tremendous capability, such enormous opportunity. It is shameful that the zeitgeist of our time is written in lies, rewriting of history, spinning of facts, cheating, greed, and the most powerful nation ever to emerge on the planet being drained and sucked into bankruptcy and oblivion by an unwinnable guerrilla war against an unseen enemy in a godforsaken country halfway around the globe.

Meanwhile, the great beast of China quietly moves in and takes us over, just as we are being infested at a phenomenal rate by a seemingly unstoppable flow of millions of illegal aliens from south of the border. Some of you will object to these words. Check the labels on everything you purchased in the past month. Check the lines at the employment office, driver license station, Medicare/Medicaid office, or any human/family service agency. [Thanks! I needed that. Rant over…]

I do not like myself at my skeptical worst. I do not like the fact that I have let myself become that way. I do not like that I have little choice but to question everything, trust no one. It has always been my nature to accept everyone openly at face value, to trust them implicitly until given reason not to. That has always worked for me, other than with a couple of lowlife bottom feeders that had such a good act that it took me longer than normal to wake up. That trait so deeply colors who I am that I continue to trust individuals until they show different stripes. Having said that, I also admit that I do so through a more critical eye than in the past. It takes less to move me from trust to don’t trust than in the past.

Organizations, whether business, government, non-profit, religious, or other, have collectively lost my trust, at least until they prove trustworthy, and even then it is day-to-day. In the end, it all comes down to individuals. Individual trust is at the core of all relationships.

It would seem that we have come far afield from Einstein’s thought that kicked off this post. Or have we? Perhaps we’ve just come full circle. Some things to think about in the private echo chamber of your mind: Who do you trust? Do you trust more or less than in the past? How accepting are you when introduced to someone new? Do you approach the trusting of individuals differently than you do organizations? Is your overall trust level, especially as it applies to organizations, different than it was years ago? If so, why? If your trust level has shifted, are you at ease with that?

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Funny… I already had this quote found, thot upon, keyed inta, and ready to post. My WordPress Writing section typically has a few quick and easy items ready to fill the gaps when I get too busy to think or too tired to type. The attribution on this one-liner was my personal prophet, the high priest of whatthefuck, George Carlin. I thought nothing of it as I keyed his name in a few days ago. Until yesterday…

While taking a break from installing and configuring a couple of workstations on a customer’s network, I made a stand-up visit to the necessary room. There, above the mirror, were these very same words:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. — Author Unknown

This was a church, mind you. Their version had no attribution at all. I chuckled and wondered if they knew the source — the very same mouth that proclaimed the 7 Dirty Words.  Nah… if they had a clue they would not have hung that sign.

Today, with temperatures in the teens and unable to do much else, I got to thinking about it. Then I remembered that on Carlin’s site there are several long postings of things wrongly attributed to him. So I checked it out. This one was not listed there, but several other sites and quotation references show it as unknown. So, I’ll label it as such and hope that George doesn’t get too pissed if it really is his work.

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The government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. — Ronald Reagan

Perhaps it was his training and long career as an actor, or maybe it was just a part of who he was. Ronald Reagan had a tremendous sense of humor that he expertly wielded to entertain all, and at times to simplify explanations of complex concepts. He also used humor to defuse or distract those not politically loyal to him or his party objectives.

Reading an isolated quote, like the one above, without knowing the context, it can be difficult to know if he was being funny or serious, poking criticism or explaining his philosophy. Whether intentional or irresponsible, Reagan’s words became the credo for the Republican party and their administrations to follow. Under Bush II this fiscal policy has reached full fruition as Republicans have become the greedy, irresponsible, spend-happy party in charge of our checkbooks. Their accomplishments far surpass those of the Democrats they critized for similar activities so many years ago.

Some of the current crop of Republican Presidential hopefuls would also have us believe that the Democrats are still the ones responsible for draining the treasury and mounting the debt. Those Republicans must think the American people are terribly naive and stupid. And maybe en masse we are. Look at the fools that American voters have put in Washington the last 8 years. Surely to God we can do better than that!

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One of the most important imprints made on a malleable young me was by Pop, my maternal grandfather. He had been a farmer, blacksmith, carpenter, builder, real estate investor, grocer, landlord, husband, father, and grandfather. And somewhere in the midst of all that he found time to go fishing … frequently. Several weeks each summer I stayed with Pop and Grandma and loved every minute of it. Pop was a kind, gentle, and patient man, who taught me how to use and take care of shop tools and equipment. And he took me fishing … frequently.

Pop would hitch up the boat trailer behind his pickup truck, grab the bait buckets he had prepared the day before, stop by the grocery where we would pick up some baloney sandwiches, cheese and crackers, and ice cold Cokes — the big King Size Cokes in the 10 oz. glass bottles — and off to the lake or river we would go. Sitting in a boat with Pop all day, I learned a lot. I learned that I didn’t really like fishing, but I loved being with Pop. He taught me things. And I learned things. Fishing was a masquerade, an excuse, a vehicle. He talked and I listened … and learned.

Pop had many wise things to say, and some maybe not so wise. Some, like his extreme superstitions, were just plain silly. But who was I to tell him that. He always had a way of putting things in perspective. When my mother would worry, or I would fret about something, Pop would typically try to defuse it by rhetorically asking, What difference will it make in 100 years?

Between Pop’s practical approach and Daddy’s laissez faire attitude, I like to think I turned out to be about as self-sufficient, non-intrusive, and laid back as a person can be in these turbulent and trying times. They taught me how to step back and view myself and my role in the larger picture, and how to take life as it comes at me, one day at a time, making changes for the better where I can, but never losing a firm grip on what is real, what is important. They taught me to live life meaningfully, but never to take myself too seriously. Even now, many years later, I am still struggling to live up to their examples and their teachings. And Mom is still worrying.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown
is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. – Bertrand Russell

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As noted in these mumblings previously, I spend a lot of time sitting in my trusty Subaru Outback PMV (Poor Man’s SUV) crawling through traffic in and around Music City, on my way to and from being intimate with customers’ networks and computer systems. That time is not all wasted since I expand my miscule knowledge of sports by listening to local and national sports radio broadcasts. The absolute best is 104.5 The Zone, including the morning Wake-up Zone and the afternoon Sports Zone. Sandwiched between those I switch to the nationally broadcast Colin Cowherd Show and Mike Tirico Show on the local ESPN Radio affiliate, 106.7 The Fan. I switch to those because I cannot stomach the arrogant, headache inducing Jim Rome Show that is carried by 104.5 in the mid-day time slot.

Now anyone who has ever listened to sport talk radio knows there is a lot of bull that gets floated out. It seems like every crazy with an internet connection or within signal range will call in and bitch and moan about anything and everything, sports related or not. The really good hosts know how to defuse and manage the flamers. And no host is better at it than Mark Howard on the Wake-up Zone. Locals also know Mark as the still-much-missed sports guy from his Channel 5 days. Whether being original or passing along wisdom harvested elsewhere, Mark does it with professional aplomb and dignity, made interesting by his flair and wit.

This morning, while discussing a certain NFL wide receiver, Mark dropped this jewel:

He couldn’t catch a cold if he was naked at the North Pole.

On another occasion, talking about an NBA player who was basket challenged, Mark revealed:

He couldn’t hit the water if he was sitting in a boat in the middle of the lake.

I’m not sure whether it was Mark or another broadcaster who described a certain pro golfer’s tee shot as:

Looking like he’s trying to kill a snake in a phone booth.

Love those guys and their sense of humor! They almost keep me awake while driving…

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